Ladies... men you should not consider for a partner

Years ago Ruka met a charming guy (Lanre); he was one of her lecturers in the university. She had heard rumor by some students that Lanre was a Casanova; he however, was a smooth one because he cannot tie him to any female student. Lanre picked interest in her because she was quite intelligent; he became friendly with her and treated her as special.

In her final year, Lanre made proposal for marriage; though she was a little uncomfortable, she gave her consent. Some of the female students when they saw how close they were, walked up to her to tell her that Lanre was not the kind of man a decent girl like should be dating. She felt they were jealous; months into the relationship, she got pregnant and they got married.

All went well (at least that was what she thought) until after two years of marriage; she began hearing rumor that Lanre was already intimately involved with another of his students. When she confronted him, he did not deny it. Today, they are separated and Lanre now lives permanently with his new lover leaving his wife and daughter in the apartment he rented.

This story is true for some of the women married today; they dated men who they thought would change over time, but never did. Marriage really does not change people, what it does is amplify who they are. In this write up I will share with you, men you should not consider for a partner. These men are…

Excessively emotional men- Women because of their make ups tend to get attracted to the opposite sex that show them love and care; they are attracted to men who are not just successful but emotional. If a guy takes the time to listen to the heartfelt need of a lady, it is easy for him to walk into her life. I like saying that, if a man has access to a woman’s ears, he will have access to almost everything else- heart and sexual organ. If every lady that will read these write up do an honest search of why they went into intimate relationship in the past, they will come up with the fact that the guy awoke feelings in them by certain act of care they showered them or to someone around.

However, women should be careful of excesses in the emotions, display by men. When a man exhibits excessiveness in the way he displays his emotions, there is something wrong with him. Though a man is emotional, but his primary essence is logic. If you see a man cry and beg when there are challenges in your relationship, you may call it love, but it really is not. Crying and begging is good for romantic films, but in real life events men ought to comport themselves. If a man out of an emotional outburst throws you or anyone a slap; do not give excuses for his action, run for your dear life. One word that I have observe is common with women who opt out of their marriage is, I saw this trait in him, but I thought he will change over time.

It is not love when a man hits another man because of you; it is not love when a man stays with you 24/7 instead of going to get a job or work; it is not love when a man keeps getting angry when he sees you relating with the opposite sex, etc. It shows there is a problem.

Play boys- I have observed over time that women who date Casanovas with the hope that they will eventually settle down with them, always end in deep pain because of the heartbreak they experience before or after the marriage (if they are not smart enough not to take the relationship to the next level). In my mini book, Goodbye, facts that makes saying it necessary; I wrote the story of a lady who I told to leave the relationship she was in. One of the reasons I gave her this counsel was because I knew the guy is a Casanova (he still is); she didn’t listen to me and in the end she got thrown out after she had done more than three abortions; according to him, he does not want a child yet.

When you meet a man that is just to fine, smooth and is a ladies man, you should think twice about getting involved with him intimately. You will not be Ms lucky for long if you go into relationship with him; men like that never stick too long with any lady. In love stories, the opposite of what I am writing on is what is shown to people; a Casanova when he meet a particular lady suddenly becomes a saint and lives with her happily ever after. That my lady is a lie; do not forget that we are designed to behave in a consistent manner. Casanova before marriage will not be a monogamous lover afterwards.

Irresponsible men- If you ever meet a man who gives excuses for not doing what is required of him, run for your dear life. I read the story of a lady whose in-laws warned her not to get married to their son because he was irresponsible. He was doing quite well in his profession; he has a duplex of his own and drives a luxury car, yet he will not raise a helping hand to his parents and siblings still in school. When she confronted him with this, he will give excuses and in order to prove his point he will remind her of how he has been generous to her and her family. He would tell her of the plans he has to make life better for his own parents and sibling; yet before and after they got married, he did nothing about these plans. Today, he treats her like his family members. She pays for the school fees of the children without him dropping a penny; if she complains about money issues, he will give a thousand and one excuses why he cannot give a dime yet.

Before marriage, men are emotional givers; after marriage, they are practical givers. Do not be deceived by the way a man spends money on you to come to a conclusion that this guy is a great giver because you go a shopping on his expenses. The best way to know a responsible fellow is to observe the way he treats his own family and people around. There is no excuse that is tenable for not doing what is required of you; if a man will not make sacrifices for his family, he will eventually treat you the same.

Men who have no authority figures in their lives- If you meet a man who claims he is self made, he likely will be someone who will not listen to other people’s opinion. These are dangerous men to be involved with; the reason is they will do what is in their mind irrespective of the way other people may feel about it.

Marriage has its own challenges; sometimes the other partner may need to be put in check but his partner may not be having the desired result when she tries to make him see reasons. At a point their may be a need to call in someone he respects to sit him down and talk to him. I have heard people say, that one should not give allow a third party in their marriage. I feel that this statement is not right; we all need someone who can reprimand us, whether we are single or married. However, such person must be matured enough to point out areas of corrections not out of emotion but by the established rules that determines the success of any relationship. We all need a father figure in our lives; if a man does not have that covering in his life, he is not someone that will make a good hubby.

Men, who keep wrong company- An English adage says, ‘Bird of a feather, flock together.’ I feel it will not be wrong for me to say, men of a kind, flock together. One way anyone can be influenced is through the company he keeps; like a bird, they flock together and stay together. The company we keep is a reflection of who we really are; the English adage, ‘Show me your friend and I will show you who you are’ is right. If his friends are in vices you do not like, know that he is not far from it. Observe married men, who are not responsible, their friends are not too different from them.

If you are not comfortable with the company the guy you are dating keeps; I feel you need to do a rethink on the relationship than take it to the next level (marriage). He will likely not change the company he keeps if you get married to him; they will likely be his first adviser if (when) you have challenges in your marriage. Do not endure the company he is keeping because you want to keep the relationship going; they will ultimately destroy it in the long run.

Men who behave like women- When my write up was published in of one the Nigerian dailies tagged, every husband needs a nagging wife; I got a response which led to this part of this write up. One of the women who responded talked about men who nag like hell. Women by design are made to talk more than men; they are not the type to keep quite when things are out of place. They will keep repeating what they want to see changes in or just resign themselves to fate. It is in repeating themselves that married men call nagging. Interestingly, when they were single, such behave was sweet music to their ears.

If you meet a man who talks too much; repeats events over and over again, I will implore you not to take the relationship to the level of marriage. It is horrifying to see a man just keep repeating himself on issues he should just express his mind on once.

Another trait that is common to women is repeating past events; rarely will you meet a lady that cannot repeat vividly pains of the past. Women should observe if their men has this traits before talking about marriage; it will be frustrating living with a man that is not your opposite.

The word opposite is an interesting word; it shows the difference in a thing from another. It implies that they may seem to have similarities, but the distinctions between them are clearly spelt out. The same goes with the opposite sex you are dating; he may exhibit certain similarities with your sex, yet the distinction in the way you do things should be clear to you. If the differences in your essence are not clearly spelt out, do not make the mistake of taking the relationship to the level of marriage.

Men who are tied to their parents’ apron- Psychological maturity is one key trait that every lady should note in any man they are interested in. I am not saying that the man in your life should disregard his parents; however, the man should at a certain age level be able to make decisions of his own with little or no interference from his parents.

I counsel a lady once whose fiancé did not know how to say no to his dad; he wanted him to consider another lady because the lady was not a tribe member. I advise her to consider leaving the relationship or else she may discover after marriage that his dad is the one ruling their home. If he is not man enough to tell his dad what he wants and insist on it, he will not be man enough to tell him to let him rule his own home as he wants in the future.

Do you have a question on any relationship issue? Send a text and get a response; your confidentiality will be kept.

Olufemi Fasanya
08037257479, 08083906495

Things people do wrong that destroys relationship.

Femi Fasanya singlesaffair@yahoo.com, +2348037257479, +2348083906405

I accept the statement of Pastor Eric Obigho as true that ‘Man was created first for relationship before responsibility.’ If all that you do in life is carry out responsibilities without developing relationships, you will end up a failure and your memory will fade away when you die. Apart from your relationship with God (that is if you are smart enough to accept that a Creator exists), the second most vital relationship in your life is the person you will get married/you are married too.

There are things that people do wrong that end up breaking these vital relationship in their lives; my desire is that you will not make the same mistake. There is a therefore a need for you to be knowledgeable, because relationships don’t just succeed, it requires the individuals involve in it to do things right. Here are five things that I have over the years observe destroy relationships…

Wrong use of words- Words are powerful; they have the ability to create and destroy. I believe strongly that a large number of relationships that broke were because of the use of foul words by either/both parties involved. One of the relationships I broke up with before I got married was because the lady in question used a foul word on me that my ego couldn’t tolerate, so I moved on.

Men are egocentric by nature, they can’t stand words by their partners which are aimed at comparing them in a demeaning manner with another person and they can’t stand their partners using authoritative words on them. While their female counterpart can’t stand the use of insultive words.

You need to learn to use your discretion; as a lady in being honest to your partner about your past, you don’t go telling him that twenty men had slept with you. I believe that some of the troubles between wives and their in-laws after marriage stems from the men they were dating not managing information about their families properly.

Premarital sex- Sheriff Shomade said, ‘There is nothing as sweet as sexual intercourse (when it is done outside of the confine of marriage) on the face of the earth, but it’s a perilous slide to destruction.’ Every time you allow anyone have the attention of your genital that you are not married to, you loose something. One of the things you will loose is the foundation of a successful relationship which is trust. I read a statistics once that states that over 51% of couples who are divorced were sexually involved with one another before marriage.

Sexual intercourse outside of the confine of marriage may look harmless, but it’s really destructive in the long run on the relationship that you are trying to keep. I will like to share with every lady that will read this article this truth, men will likely to get married to women that they trust in the area of sexual intercourse than the ones that they have feelings people call love for. I also want every lady involve in sexual intercourse to prove me wrong, that if you stop allowing your partner from getting sexually involve with you again, the relationship will naturally disintegrate. When you allowed him to get sexually involved with you, you shifted his attention from you to your genitals and permit me to say this, most men love free non committed sex.

Being irresponsible- People want a partner that is responsible in the area of productivity; we all are proud when we can say to others how well our partners are doing. No one wants to marry/stay with a leach after marriage.

Why ‘good’ women marry ‘bad’ men.

singlesaffair1@yahoo.com, +2348037257479, +2348083906405

Interestingly, one should expect that as a male writer, I should write on why ‘good’ men get married to ‘bad’ women (someday I know I will be tempted to do a write up on that); however, I choose these write up because I really sympathize with women who find themselves in the hands of wrong men. The emotional impact of a failed relationship, tells more on females than their male counterpart.

I heard a research done by an individual in one of the psychiatric hospital in the western part of Nigeria (not confirmed though), that 70% of the female inmate got there because of a wrong choice of relationship with the opposite sex. They either caught their husband with their sister in bed or with their best friend or with other women, etc. Women have also known to attempt suicide because they got dumped by the men they gave their heart too. So it’s out of concern for the female that I am doing these write up first. To get to my point, I will like to tell a story that I pieced together from different women I have counseled over the years and polished to suit what I am writing on. So it’s really not a story of any particular individual but a combination of many individuals…

Lara was a lady that you will readily love at first sight; brilliant, loving, caring, and respected in the community she lives in with her parent.

Right from her early years, she has always stretched out a helping hand to those who have needs. She spent time twice in a week to do community service by taking care of the aged in the home built for them. She took time to cook their lunch, do their laundry and listen to them talk to her about those issues that are pressing in their minds.

She finished with a good grade in the university; got a well paying job and all went well for her until she got married to Peter. Then everyone seems to notice that she has become a shadow of herself; she had lost that glow she always carried. Now she cries and lives in constant regret of getting married, to a husband whom she never believed will turn out to be a beast. Severally occasions, he had physically molested her.

To some single women, the story is a true life picture of the heartlessness of men since they may have gone through a terrible experience with men. To other singles (especially women), these question will pop into their minds; how could such a lovely lady like that have gotten married to such a beast? The answer to this question is the reason for this article. There is a need for women who are not married to be sensitive and to seek knowledge before giving their consent to a marriage proposal.

I have observed that one of the reasons for a wrong choice of a partner is that they allowed their emotion go hare wire; due to the emotional state of women, it’s easy for them to ignore warning signs in the relationship that they are in, all in the name of love. Like a sheep lead to the slaughter they keep on with a relationship that it’s obvious wasn’t going to lead to a successful marriage, all in the name of I love him. Years after marriage those who got into marriage because they were crazy about their partner soon come to their senses but with a lamentation of, had I known.

Another reason for the wrong choice of partner is due to being caught in the trap of the way Hollywood and Nollywood define love. In the romantic films you will find story lines of people who found love and in less than two hours they both find love and end up with a married live that appears to be heaven on earth. When a character like the men they admire in the movie comes their way, they get attracted to the person. Some of these women also listen to love songs, which awaken their emotions that made them prone to being attracted to men who show some level of care to them.

The truth is that most of these films and songs only carry a false impression of the reality of relationship, especially that of marriage. Do a research into the lives of those that have sang love songs, written or acted love films, you will find that very few of them have successful marriages.

I have observe an increase quest amongst single women for the spectacular in choosing a partner; some women got married on the basis of the prediction of a diviner/an experience they had and live with regrets today. Women who are susceptible to this mistake the most are those who are desperate to get married due to their age and others are those who think too highly of the person that came up with that line.

Pastor Bimbo Odukoya gave the following advise, “Your choice of a marriage partner is entirely your decision and, moreover, you are free to choose anyone you like. That, however, is as far as your freedom goes, for once you have chosen, you are bound by the responsibilities that go with your choice.” When single women shut out logical in determine who to get married too, they often end up regret that decision later in life.

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