10 mistakes that singles commonly make 1

John was one of the numerous young men who believe that a woman will succumb to them based on African tradition that gives the man unlimited power on how to run his own home. He saw that his dad was in charge at home; when he comes in (his dad) every one behaves like saints because of his authoritative nature. He was the carbon copy of his dad; looks, the air of authority and the rock like tendencies when he has made his decision on any matter.

However, presently he is having challenges with his wife because unlike his mum, she has become very expressive of her opinion on any issue. She would say what she wants done without owing him any apology and get it done. Malta had thought that over time he’ll drop some of his imposing attitude; since he was unwilling to change, she had made up her mind to damn the consequence of John’s action on any issue. She had bluntly refused to resign her appoint as he had threaten her to, nor is she willing to be kicked around the way his dad does to his mum.

There is one reality that I believe that is visible to every singles that will read this write up, and it’s the fact that marriages are collapsing at an alarming rate. I believe that most of divorce we see may not have been necessary if one of the couples had not made the mistake of taking the relationship to the stage of marriage. Divorce hurts not just the parties that took the path; the children that came out of that union will also experience it.

There are mistakes you can make in life and get away with it; there are some that will trap you and never let your life remain the same. I have listed here some of those mistakes that are common with singles; you may have made those mistakes, but as long as you haven’t taken the relationship to the stage of marriage, there is still hope.

Love is everything- Making decisions based on emotional undertone is one of the major challenge that singles have; I feel the reason is because of information that is constantly been passed to them. A good number of singles are looking for someone who will love them; when they find such they act like a sheep led to the slaughter.

Over the years of counseling singles the ones that I have discovered most difficult to reach are those who are emotional attached to another person I once passed a message to a person that asked for my counsel on the relationship he was in; I honestly told him that lady he’s dating is not suitable; she’s not a wife material. However I observed that she has a childish attitude always hugging and kissing him; she was always saying sweet nothing to him. He didn’t listen to what I had to say (how did I know- I sense that my advice was like throwing balls on the wall); after 3 years into the relationship he had to call it quit. Some singles have however made this mistake but can’t correct it because they are now married.

I tell singles there are times that I don’t feel I love my wife (emotion are so unstable); so when it comes to making the decision of who to go into relationship with, care must be taken that the decision should be made from a practical stand point- is he a person of character, matured, hospitable? It takes time to know this; so singles who are wise should take time to know their prospective partner before giving their consent.

The way to a man’s heart is through his groin- I have had some single ladies ask me for counsel in relations to sex and relationship; my advice has always been- run for your dear life. Premarital sex only achieves one thing only, temporal satisfaction; however, it leaves lasting pains.

When man is sexually involved with a lady, at the back of his mind, he unconsciously has a inclination to believe that she can get involve with another man even after marriage. The level of trust he will have for her will diminish: I read a Christian literature once, that the author made the statement that over 51% of marriages that collapsed has its root in premarital sex. You can’t give a man your body before marriage and expect him to trust you 100% afterwards that you will be faithful to him.

Met a young man once, who has seen some terrible things some women do; he sees his rich male friends have their way with women. He said to me, if it’s not that I got married to my wife as a virgin, it’ll be hard for me to believe that she will not play around.

Religion doesn’t matter- There are things that it is assumed not significant until the reality of their importance dawn on people with such assumptions years later. I have heard some unwise statement made by both men and women on religion issue; I have heard men say that it doesn’t matter which religion you get married from, you wife will integrate into your own after marriage. To some woman, love will cover all; so if I love him, I will go with him till the end of the world. A lady who is single once said to me, that it doesn’t matter once both parties love one another. That is the deception many singles have come to believe.

Conversion to another religion through marriage is never a wise move because people always tend to go back to their belief when the reality of life hits their lives and marriage. If you see couples who live ‘happily’ despite their religious differences, look deep into their lives; lots of people are suffering and smiling as Fela sang. They only carry a façade of happiness, but deep inside they have their regrets.

When Gina met Gary 10 years ago, you felt that she had found the man of her dreams; he was loving and everything a woman would want in a man. She however, felt uncomfortable with his atheist belief, but later decided to get married to him when he promised that he’ll not stop her from been active in her religion. When their children began to grow up, Gary will not allow her take them any where near church; when she complains, his response is always, she can go anywhere she wants but not with his children. Today, she is unhappy because her children don’t want to have anything to do with God.

All men/women are the same- It’s a common mistake with singles who have gone through heartbreaks; they come to a conclusion that the people of the opposite sex and no better than themselves. I got a call once from a lady who can’t stop seeing all men as irresponsible; why? She had had heartbroken by the man she got married to who had taken the step of divorce; he is presenting dating a much younger lady than she is. According to her, all through her singles days she had experienced 3 heartbreaks and she had felt that her hubby will be different; they had all left her for someone much younger.

Are all men/women the same? Yes and No is my response; all men like to be in charge (no man likes been boss around by his babe); all men like sex (if you want some attention from them, put on something sexy); all men are like predators (once they have sex with a lady, they will likely leave to go a hurting for another prey); all men find it difficult to love their wives, etc. however, it’s not all men that will sleep with anything on skirt (even though his groin wants to), nor throw a punch at their wives, nor make a slave out of their partner (text me you email address and I will mail you my book 21 never singles must observe).

Such mindset is the undoing of many relationships.

He will change later in life- When Linda got slapped when she was dating George and he came asking her forgiveness with tears in his eyes with the promise that it won’t happen again; she forgive him over and over again. George had unconsciously made her to believe that his reactions are her fault; so when he became violent with her, she would blame herself and try to act better another time. They have been married for over 15 years, yet he hasn’t stopped battering her.

Some singles believe that marriage change people; I guess that belief came from emotional films that they view. I guess most singles have heard/watched James Bond- the hunky tough guy that is the ladies man. You will observe that he never gets trapped to stick to one single lady; for every series come different beautiful babes without his making a commitment to marriage. I guess you will say that is his role; you are right. However, you should let it also sink in your heart that you can’t have a James Bond kind of a guy get or stay committed to you. The principle every single should note is, ‘Marriage don’t change people; it amplifies who they are.’

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Olufemi Fasanya
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