10 mistakes that singles commonly make 2

Last week, I began writing on the subject above; I believe that there are mistakes that are avoidable in life provided that people are willing to seek knowledge and act on what they know. Knowledge isn’t power without action; I believe knowledge is amoral, what you do with what you know is what determines if you see the result you desire.

We all are prone to making mistakes in life; however, there are mistakes that have grave consequence. If such mistakes are made it will have a vibrating effect even to the future of the one who made it. Every mistake has a consequence; however, the repercussion of mistakes defers.

I really need to pass this to everyone that will be privilege to read this write up the word I heard Reverend Sam Adeyemi made; he said, ‘Experience is the best teacher o yes; but other peoples experience is the best teacher.’ I quite agree with him; you don’t have to learn something from experience, it may leave you with a scar that may be with you till death.

Here is the story and some of the write up on the last edition- John was one of the numerous young men who believe that a woman will succumb to them based on African tradition that gives the man unlimited power on how to run his own home. He saw that his dad was in charge at home; when he comes in (his dad) every one behaves like saints because of his authoritative nature. He was the carbon copy of his dad; looks, the air of authority and the rock like tendencies when he has made his decision on any matter.

However, presently he is having challenges with his wife because unlike his mum, she has become very expressive of her opinion on any issue. She would say what she wants done without owing him any apology and get it done. Malta had thought that over time he’ll drop some of his imposing attitude; since he was unwilling to change, she had made up her mind to damn the consequence of John’s action on any issue. She had bluntly refused to resign her appoint as he had threaten her to, nor is she willing to be kicked around the way his dad does to his mum.

There is one reality that I believe that is visible to every singles that will read this write up, and it’s the fact that marriages are collapsing at an alarming rate. I believe that most of divorce we see may not have been necessary if one of the couples had not made the mistake of taking the relationship to the stage of marriage. Divorce hurts not just the parties that took the path; the children that came out of that union will also experience it.

There are mistakes you can make in life and get away with it; there are some that will trap you and never let your life remain the same. I have listed here some of those mistakes that are common with singles; you may have made those mistakes, but as long as you haven’t taken the relationship to the stage of marriage, there is still hope.

Here is a continuation of the subject of discussion from last week edition-
Bringing their old baggage into the new relationship- One mistake common with singles that have experienced a failed relationship, is bringing the baggage of that relationship to the new one. They get into a new relationship without first taking care of themselves; they come in with all manner of faulty mindset and expect the new relationship to succeed.

To Tony women are bitches; all the women he knew in the past that he showed his love on, ended up cheating on him. The one that hurt the most was his last relationship; he loved Silvia to a fault. She had come in when his life was in a mess when Cynthia left him; she had gotten married behind his back without her hinting him that she was two timing on him. Silvia came in shortly after this relationship ended; however, Tony couldn’t just bring himself to the point of trusting her because of his experience. Over and over again, he would say to her that women can’t be trusted; women are bitches. When he sees her talking to her male friend, he would suck and whine all through the time they are together. Three months into the relationship, Silvia called it quit; her reason for leaving was that she can’t continue in a relationship that she is generalized with other bad eggs because they are of the same gender.

No relationship will succeed in the atmosphere of distrust; allow your heart get healed before you go into another relationship. Relationship that people get into without allowing time to heal the wound is called transitional relationship; it rarely survives to the stage of marriage.

The mistake of familiarity- I wrote on my wall on facebook the following, the beautiful ones are already here, but the perfect ones will never see the light of this world. One mistake that is so common with singles is looking far for whom to look for as a partner- I call this, the trap of familiarity. The beautiful ones are here, but they have flaws that you can see and that are what makes them unique. There is no real diamond that doesn’t have its flaw.

Shola would have been married long ago if she had not made the mistake of not considering her life with Dennis together; they had been childhood friends who had grown up together in the same neighborhood. When he professed his love for her about 4 years ago, she didn’t even give his proposal a thought. She knew him too well; she knew his flaw (he is quite emotional) and when she was asked by her friends on the issue of Dennis, her response was that if Dennis is the last man on earth is will rather go and become a nun,

When he kept asking for her response, she found it disgusting and told him that she had only seen him as a friend and don’t even think about living the rest of her life with him. Two years later, Dennis moved on; he found love in the arms of Seun (he, Shola. John and Seun had been really good friends from their childhood days), and not long afterwards they got married.

It was a year after Dennis got married that it dawn on her what she had missed; she saw how he lovely treated his wife and child. The guy that she was crazy about ended up leaving her for another lady after three years of courtship.

Singles easily make the mistake of looking down on prospective partners because they had gotten familiar with that individual; the believe is that what is far off, shrouded in mystery is far better than what has become common to them. However, I hold a strong opinion that it’s better to get married to someone you have known for some time, who is you friend. Don’t make this mistake, least after marriage; you discover that you have married a stranger.

Do you have a question on any relationship issue or do want to receive my monthly text messages? Send a text with your email address and get a free e-book; your confidentiality will be kept.

Olufemi Fasanya
08037257479

10 mistakes that singles commonly make 1

John was one of the numerous young men who believe that a woman will succumb to them based on African tradition that gives the man unlimited power on how to run his own home. He saw that his dad was in charge at home; when he comes in (his dad) every one behaves like saints because of his authoritative nature. He was the carbon copy of his dad; looks, the air of authority and the rock like tendencies when he has made his decision on any matter.

However, presently he is having challenges with his wife because unlike his mum, she has become very expressive of her opinion on any issue. She would say what she wants done without owing him any apology and get it done. Malta had thought that over time he’ll drop some of his imposing attitude; since he was unwilling to change, she had made up her mind to damn the consequence of John’s action on any issue. She had bluntly refused to resign her appoint as he had threaten her to, nor is she willing to be kicked around the way his dad does to his mum.

There is one reality that I believe that is visible to every singles that will read this write up, and it’s the fact that marriages are collapsing at an alarming rate. I believe that most of divorce we see may not have been necessary if one of the couples had not made the mistake of taking the relationship to the stage of marriage. Divorce hurts not just the parties that took the path; the children that came out of that union will also experience it.

There are mistakes you can make in life and get away with it; there are some that will trap you and never let your life remain the same. I have listed here some of those mistakes that are common with singles; you may have made those mistakes, but as long as you haven’t taken the relationship to the stage of marriage, there is still hope.

Love is everything- Making decisions based on emotional undertone is one of the major challenge that singles have; I feel the reason is because of information that is constantly been passed to them. A good number of singles are looking for someone who will love them; when they find such they act like a sheep led to the slaughter.

Over the years of counseling singles the ones that I have discovered most difficult to reach are those who are emotional attached to another person I once passed a message to a person that asked for my counsel on the relationship he was in; I honestly told him that lady he’s dating is not suitable; she’s not a wife material. However I observed that she has a childish attitude always hugging and kissing him; she was always saying sweet nothing to him. He didn’t listen to what I had to say (how did I know- I sense that my advice was like throwing balls on the wall); after 3 years into the relationship he had to call it quit. Some singles have however made this mistake but can’t correct it because they are now married.

I tell singles there are times that I don’t feel I love my wife (emotion are so unstable); so when it comes to making the decision of who to go into relationship with, care must be taken that the decision should be made from a practical stand point- is he a person of character, matured, hospitable? It takes time to know this; so singles who are wise should take time to know their prospective partner before giving their consent.

The way to a man’s heart is through his groin- I have had some single ladies ask me for counsel in relations to sex and relationship; my advice has always been- run for your dear life. Premarital sex only achieves one thing only, temporal satisfaction; however, it leaves lasting pains.

When man is sexually involved with a lady, at the back of his mind, he unconsciously has a inclination to believe that she can get involve with another man even after marriage. The level of trust he will have for her will diminish: I read a Christian literature once, that the author made the statement that over 51% of marriages that collapsed has its root in premarital sex. You can’t give a man your body before marriage and expect him to trust you 100% afterwards that you will be faithful to him.

Met a young man once, who has seen some terrible things some women do; he sees his rich male friends have their way with women. He said to me, if it’s not that I got married to my wife as a virgin, it’ll be hard for me to believe that she will not play around.

Religion doesn’t matter- There are things that it is assumed not significant until the reality of their importance dawn on people with such assumptions years later. I have heard some unwise statement made by both men and women on religion issue; I have heard men say that it doesn’t matter which religion you get married from, you wife will integrate into your own after marriage. To some woman, love will cover all; so if I love him, I will go with him till the end of the world. A lady who is single once said to me, that it doesn’t matter once both parties love one another. That is the deception many singles have come to believe.

Conversion to another religion through marriage is never a wise move because people always tend to go back to their belief when the reality of life hits their lives and marriage. If you see couples who live ‘happily’ despite their religious differences, look deep into their lives; lots of people are suffering and smiling as Fela sang. They only carry a façade of happiness, but deep inside they have their regrets.

When Gina met Gary 10 years ago, you felt that she had found the man of her dreams; he was loving and everything a woman would want in a man. She however, felt uncomfortable with his atheist belief, but later decided to get married to him when he promised that he’ll not stop her from been active in her religion. When their children began to grow up, Gary will not allow her take them any where near church; when she complains, his response is always, she can go anywhere she wants but not with his children. Today, she is unhappy because her children don’t want to have anything to do with God.

All men/women are the same- It’s a common mistake with singles who have gone through heartbreaks; they come to a conclusion that the people of the opposite sex and no better than themselves. I got a call once from a lady who can’t stop seeing all men as irresponsible; why? She had had heartbroken by the man she got married to who had taken the step of divorce; he is presenting dating a much younger lady than she is. According to her, all through her singles days she had experienced 3 heartbreaks and she had felt that her hubby will be different; they had all left her for someone much younger.

Are all men/women the same? Yes and No is my response; all men like to be in charge (no man likes been boss around by his babe); all men like sex (if you want some attention from them, put on something sexy); all men are like predators (once they have sex with a lady, they will likely leave to go a hurting for another prey); all men find it difficult to love their wives, etc. however, it’s not all men that will sleep with anything on skirt (even though his groin wants to), nor throw a punch at their wives, nor make a slave out of their partner (text me you email address and I will mail you my book 21 never singles must observe).

Such mindset is the undoing of many relationships.

He will change later in life- When Linda got slapped when she was dating George and he came asking her forgiveness with tears in his eyes with the promise that it won’t happen again; she forgive him over and over again. George had unconsciously made her to believe that his reactions are her fault; so when he became violent with her, she would blame herself and try to act better another time. They have been married for over 15 years, yet he hasn’t stopped battering her.

Some singles believe that marriage change people; I guess that belief came from emotional films that they view. I guess most singles have heard/watched James Bond- the hunky tough guy that is the ladies man. You will observe that he never gets trapped to stick to one single lady; for every series come different beautiful babes without his making a commitment to marriage. I guess you will say that is his role; you are right. However, you should let it also sink in your heart that you can’t have a James Bond kind of a guy get or stay committed to you. The principle every single should note is, ‘Marriage don’t change people; it amplifies who they are.’

Do you have a question on any relationship issue or do want to receive my monthly text messages? Send a text with your email address and get a free e-book; your confidentiality will be kept.

Olufemi Fasanya
08037257479, 08083906495