Don't fall in love

(The secret that couples with successful marriages know before they got married.) Femi Fasanya singlesaffair@yahoo.com, +2348037257479, +2348083906405

Why do people get married? The answer is mainly out of love; ; a strong emotional feeling that cause an attraction between two people to the point that they believe that they can’t do without each other. So they take the initiative of consolidating the relationship by getting married. Why then is it that years later, the two love birds come to a conclusion that divorce is the only option to saving their souls? The answer to that is; the emotion people call love is not strong enough to build a successful marriage on. Hollywood and Nollywood, have painted a picture of love as meeting a person who will be out of this world, and in less than two hours of the film they are married with a happily ever after conclusion. So people who are given to this films, when they meet someone who their heart skip a beat for, they make a conclusion that this is the love of their lives.

One of the horrifying things about what people call love, is the blinding effect on those who are given to it. You just can’t see reasons with someone who has being engulfed by this love feeling; it’s like talking to a zombie, a walking dead. I have counseled singles that are into relationship that a red signal is obviously flashing on, but irrespective of how much I tried to make them look objectively into the state of their relationship, often times the counsel seems like throwing a ball on a wall- it bounces back. This is the state I call falling in love.

Another is the madding effect, falling in love give to them that are trapped by it. You have probably heard someone say; I am crazy about her/him, it is a statement common with people who fall in love. If you observe a man that is suffering from psychosis and a person who falls in love, you will discover that they both live in a world of illusion; a world of their own. If you observe them, you will notice some similar trends in their behavior, some of these trends are… Crazy people do not listen to others; they always conclude that they are okay while others are the ones that are crazy. People who are crazy about someone also do not listen to advice that conflicts with their feelings. Crazy people have lost their mind. People who are crazy about someone also experience the same loss of mind, i.e. loss of control of their thinking faculty.

Permit me to say that People who fall get up with pains in their body. So also people who fall in love get up with a broken heart, unforgiveness, sometimes with psychosis, and suicide tendency. Kemi Dayo-Aiyetan said, ‘Love shouldn’t be blind; you love with your eyes wide open and your senses intact.’ When your love makes your heart to skip a beat in the presence of your partner, then you need to sit down and let your mind ruminate on the relationship you are in objectively before you take it to the next level.

I will like to share with you a more excellent way of having a successful relationship; I call it walking in love. Rather than fall in love and not have a speed break, it is better to walk in love and be able to control your speed. My perception of walking in love is developing relationship with a person based on knowledge, long time relationship, and friendship rather than a spontaneous feeling that has no foundation to hold the relationship to the level of marriage, which requires a till life do us part commitment.

One of the advantages of walking in love is that your eyes are open. When you are walking with someone, you open your eyes. It implies that the relationship is based on knowledge not on feelings of love alone. It is a love that is based on what you know about the person out of your interactions together over a period of time rather than what happens in a fairy tale manner. Couples who paid the price of opening their eyes before making the decision to get married are now enjoying that decision. The instructions that Jesus gave is watch and pray that you should not enter into temptation, I believe that he gave the instruction because he knew that people like playing spirituality instead of doing what is required of them.

Another is that your speed is progressive. When you walk in love, (Knowing one another better is progressive) you don’t move at an alarming speed in the relationship. When people fall in love, emotions becloud their sense of reasoning and not too long in the relationship they start engaging in sexual intimacy. The progressiveness in this type of love enhances deeper friendship, and commitment on the part of the parties involve. It enhances stability in the relationship which is vital for a successful marriage in the future.

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