Why ‘good’ women marry ‘bad’ men.

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Interestingly, one should expect that as a male writer, I should write on why ‘good’ men get married to ‘bad’ women (someday I know I will be tempted to do a write up on that); however, I choose these write up because I really sympathize with women who find themselves in the hands of wrong men. The emotional impact of a failed relationship, tells more on females than their male counterpart.

I heard a research done by an individual in one of the psychiatric hospital in the western part of Nigeria (not confirmed though), that 70% of the female inmate got there because of a wrong choice of relationship with the opposite sex. They either caught their husband with their sister in bed or with their best friend or with other women, etc. Women have also known to attempt suicide because they got dumped by the men they gave their heart too. So it’s out of concern for the female that I am doing these write up first. To get to my point, I will like to tell a story that I pieced together from different women I have counseled over the years and polished to suit what I am writing on. So it’s really not a story of any particular individual but a combination of many individuals…

Lara was a lady that you will readily love at first sight; brilliant, loving, caring, and respected in the community she lives in with her parent.

Right from her early years, she has always stretched out a helping hand to those who have needs. She spent time twice in a week to do community service by taking care of the aged in the home built for them. She took time to cook their lunch, do their laundry and listen to them talk to her about those issues that are pressing in their minds.

She finished with a good grade in the university; got a well paying job and all went well for her until she got married to Peter. Then everyone seems to notice that she has become a shadow of herself; she had lost that glow she always carried. Now she cries and lives in constant regret of getting married, to a husband whom she never believed will turn out to be a beast. Severally occasions, he had physically molested her.

To some single women, the story is a true life picture of the heartlessness of men since they may have gone through a terrible experience with men. To other singles (especially women), these question will pop into their minds; how could such a lovely lady like that have gotten married to such a beast? The answer to this question is the reason for this article. There is a need for women who are not married to be sensitive and to seek knowledge before giving their consent to a marriage proposal.

I have observed that one of the reasons for a wrong choice of a partner is that they allowed their emotion go hare wire; due to the emotional state of women, it’s easy for them to ignore warning signs in the relationship that they are in, all in the name of love. Like a sheep lead to the slaughter they keep on with a relationship that it’s obvious wasn’t going to lead to a successful marriage, all in the name of I love him. Years after marriage those who got into marriage because they were crazy about their partner soon come to their senses but with a lamentation of, had I known.

Another reason for the wrong choice of partner is due to being caught in the trap of the way Hollywood and Nollywood define love. In the romantic films you will find story lines of people who found love and in less than two hours they both find love and end up with a married live that appears to be heaven on earth. When a character like the men they admire in the movie comes their way, they get attracted to the person. Some of these women also listen to love songs, which awaken their emotions that made them prone to being attracted to men who show some level of care to them.

The truth is that most of these films and songs only carry a false impression of the reality of relationship, especially that of marriage. Do a research into the lives of those that have sang love songs, written or acted love films, you will find that very few of them have successful marriages.

I have observe an increase quest amongst single women for the spectacular in choosing a partner; some women got married on the basis of the prediction of a diviner/an experience they had and live with regrets today. Women who are susceptible to this mistake the most are those who are desperate to get married due to their age and others are those who think too highly of the person that came up with that line.

Pastor Bimbo Odukoya gave the following advise, “Your choice of a marriage partner is entirely your decision and, moreover, you are free to choose anyone you like. That, however, is as far as your freedom goes, for once you have chosen, you are bound by the responsibilities that go with your choice.” When single women shut out logical in determine who to get married too, they often end up regret that decision later in life.

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